On what was, what is and what will be

I tried to write a summary of my 2013…and failed miserably. There are not enough words in the English language to properly explain the year and everything that happened within the 365 days that made it.

I will say that I ended the year feeling older than I ever have. I have distanced myself from pretty much everything and everyone over the last few months and am honestly not surprised no one even noticed. That is fine by me. Somewhere in everything that happened over the last year I stopped liking people, I stopped trusting people and withdrew further into myself than I ever had. This of course meant my own business failed dismally as it is hard to work with people when you actively avoid them.

I have however enjoyed getting to know my children and spending time being mom first. I have felt exceptionally frustrated and hurt over the last six months, D and I are right now hanging on by a thread, but they have kept me going.

We cancelled the wedding, both the easiest and hardest decision I have ever made. I chose to cancel because our families managed to make me feel like the least important aspect of the event. I cancelled because people I considered friends showed their true nature. I cancelled because marriage is not something I take lightly and I just don’t think our relationship right now is the right foundation on which to build a marriage.

This year is about learning to love each other again. I need to admit to my own demons and work through some tough stuff. We need to build foundations for the future and stop ting caught in the endless loop of the past.

In the interest of onward, upward and happiness, this will be my last post on this blog. I am going to blog my journey as a mother, a partner and a human being rather than my emo ramblings.

Its been real but in future please catch me over at http://www.averageoldinsanity.wordpress.com

Catch you on the flip side πŸ™‚

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