Since I am totally not in the right frame of mind to put together anything more logical, I am once again reverting to bullet points to bring everyone up to speed on what is currently happening in my life, here goes :
- I am in the process of applying for my maternity leave, this is really freaking scary and makes the fact that I am *actually* having a baby suddenly very real
- I am not a graceful and happy pregnant woman, never have been. I am currently walking like John Wayne and it has nothing to do with my, already large, belly. Our princess has turned and the pressure of her head in my pelvis is causing the cartilage to stretch and soften. In short, I now have sympathy for porn stars and cowboys. I feel like I have been forced into the splits one too many times and am just uncomfortable.
- Also, having never been pregnant in summer before, I am not loving the constant feeling like I may actually spontaneously combust. I am always thirsty, seldom hungry and spend a great deal of time threatening that I will in fact turn into a puddle.
- Work goes on, as it does. I still have the same issues and have decided as a certainty, something has got to give following my maternity leave. I will not complete another year is this department.
- Monster and Princess, the older children, seem to have been watching documentaries on how to drive your mother insane, and appear to have, for once, followed through on instructions rather well. They are testing boundaries, pushing buttons and I *know* just being children but the urge to cart them off to the SPCA to be re-homed seems to be occurring more and more these days. Likely because I am tired, in pain and did I mention hot?
- I have recently also chosen to draw the line where it comes to outside people and my family. As a mother it is my duty to do what is best for my children. As such I have had to put measures in place to protect our family.
- That said, doing the right thing is not always easy.
- Much as I would like to say people no longer surprise me, that would be a lie. I get caught up in caring too much and because of that expect more from those I care about. I would do better for them and so expect them to want to do that well for themselves. I don’t know if that makes sense?
- I am drawing the line, excluding negativity and intend to bring my brand new baby girl into a happy and loving space. It’s nothing personal to anyone at this point, this, and my family just matters more.
- People who cannot or will not take responsibility for their own lives are draining. Like petulant children demanding attention for being brats draining. I have been supporting myself and at least one child since I was 17. I understand the burden of being a grown up and making sacrifices for my children and do not deal well with insinuations to the contrary, at all.
- I will be sending invites to our welcome #BabyNB party out soonest. I decided we are going less formal and more, bring the family and let’s braai and have fun. I think this is greatly because this is more important for D than me.
- I am both very excited and exceptionally nervous to bring home a new baby. I wonder if I am in over my head, and if in fact four children are too many. I do however believe, one more person in our already chaotic family would be fine. Four is ok. There will be no more until we are grandparents, which hopefully won’t be for another long while.
- With the madness going on in my life though, I have been reminded how freaking lucky I am. I have fantastic children, when they are not howling and making me homicidal, they are decent, helpful, generous, smart and darned cute if I say so myself. I have a two year old and no terrible twos (eff off now Murphy) I have a fiancé, who absolutely freaking adores me, lucky lucky me hey? And I have the most incredible people in my life (they know who they are) who just make my heart happy by simply being there. I have love, understanding, support and so so many reasons to smile each day. To each person who adds to my happiness a heartfelt thank you!
- So dear friends, while life is not perfect, mine is pretty darn great. Those who hate are likely jealous, those who skinner likely have low self esteem and frankly being talked about beats being forgotten.