Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

I believe it is apparent that I have an opinion and have not in my 26 years of life ever been afraid to express it.  That said I find lately, likely because I am just too tired to fight, that I have begun to ignore things in the hopes that they go away.  Today, it has become blindingly apparent that this approach is not working.

Now we are all entitled to feel a certain way about anything really.  We are not all going to agree on everything.  That is fine.  Diversity is good, great even.  My point is there are certain issues, occurrences and so forth on which your feelings or opinion have absolutely no bearing.  Whether a person chooses to have sex with men or women for example, does not affect your life in the least.  No more so than if I should choose to have brown or red hair anyway.  They are not coming into your home and having sex on your bed blatantly forcing you to live their reality.  Leave it be.  Focus your energy on what matters in your life.

This rant is going somewhere I promise.  Now word to the wise, I am currently expecting my fourth child.  Now before you all choke on your coffee and launch into a chorus of how brave I am, know that I have chosen to have four children.  In choosing this I understand full well that as a family we may never own a second home at the coast, we may not drive fancy cars, we will likely continue with the hand me down systems and luxuries will always be saved as gifts for Christmas or birthdays.  Now let’s for a moment consider how this affects your life and the raising of your children.  That’s right, imagine that, it does absolutely nothing to change your life.  The shock.  The horror!

Let me straighten another little something out for you.  I loathe, abhor and detest the kind of people who make comments about not being able to afford a baby etc yack yack but then go on about their new car, big house, fancy dinners and frequent holidays.  I chose family over material things, that does not make me a lesser person.

There will be days when I cannot afford to do everything because for heaven’s sake I have three kids with one on the way and I am in my self payment gap on my medical aid, not ideal but we manage.  I am eternally sorry of you feel my excluding myself is a personal affront as that is not at all how it is intended.  I refuse to play the, ‘ I am broke’ card to avoid appearing to be looking for a charitable offer to pay my way.  I choose to exclude myself until such a time as I am able to pay my own way.  It matters to me and as such I do not project it into your life.

The real issue of late is people and their opinions on how I am raising my children.  What makes my blood boil is you get these accusations from people who don’t have children of their own.  People who have no responsibility beyond looking after themselves.  This brings me back to the question, am I raising your children?  Are my children being forced onto you?  Are our ideals and discipline methods affecting your daily life?  Have you ever given up something that matters to you for one of my children?  I thought not frankly.

I am not a perfect mother.  Truth be told I am not even a good mother.  On a good day I am a bearly functioning mother, to myself anyway.  Yet my kids, in their imperfect perfection, are good kids.  They are generally polite and friendly and well spoken and pretty smart I think.  Yet still I am bombarded with how I could handle things better

Were you there when I sat in the bath crying my eyes out over a fight I had with my eldest?  Were you there when I wiped snot and vomit and broke fevers at 2am?  Were you there when I had to explain the harsh realities of life to my children and hold them when they cried?  Were you affected by the losses we suffered together?  Do you know the journey we have walked as a family? 

You go on in your own world, drive your fancy car and eat your fancy dinner.  I chose to be home with my family eating hotdogs and watching the Disney channel.  I do not project my feelings onto your family I don’t criticize you for giving your children everything and neglecting to teach them the value of anything.  You deal with your stuff and for the love of cheese let us do the same.

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6 thoughts on “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

  1. Well said. I’m also tired of defending my life to people. The fact that I’m single and childless “At *your* age” also bothers people a lot.

    Apparently I’m selfish and self serving and don’t know the meaning of responsibility/ love/ sacrifice etc… Well there are plenty of things that are meaningful in my life and I don’t feel like I need to justify the way I live my life to anyone either.

    I could rehash what you say too. Who am I hurting by choosing to not have those things?

    Anyways. we have completely opposite issues. haha..

    😀 Good read…

    • I imagine these people have little going for themselves that they find time to project their own wants, needs, insecurities and expectations onto others.

      I mean can you go to bed at night and be happy with who you are and what you are doing? Yes? Great! Unless or until you ask them to live those moments for you, they should enjoy their own 🙂

  2. I always love your honesty.

    I’m in the same boat as arcanejill13 with choosing not to have kids but it boils down to the same thing. I get so irked when people insinuate there is something wrong with me because I don’t have children and when asked say I don’t want to have any kiddies.

    Similarly what you do with your life and your family is really your business. You want kids, that’s your decision. You want more than one, again your decision. To me what is important is that you and your family are happy and feel loved.

    People are idiots sometimes. Well mostly really.

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