Sharing the crazy

Well now. One has to admit at some point that life is a wee bit unpredictable. Put bluntly. My life has turned to chaos again. I have this urge to hide in my bed for a week, alone preferably.

I work very hard. I have a day job and I am a make-up artist and I write articles for a few people and places. I am the poster child for that annoying idea that there are 24 hours available to use in each and every day (I just sorta sing-songed that in my mind annoying even myself) but I am reaching that point where I am wondering if ever maybe just *one* of those hours could be just for me?

The nanny left very suddenly after a fight with her husband over the weekend where he refused to let her return to work, this has left me all kinds of pissed off and completely screwed. My mother has said she will help this week which kinda gives me a gap to make another plan, i am resourceful, I do not doubt we will find another nanny BUT WTF?!! You welcome a person into your life, into your home and into your family, your children get attached and you get into a routine that works. How then does a person just walk away? No notice and not even the decency to sound regretful about any of it. If ever I see that woman again I will not be held liable for what I do to her.

All of that means also suddenly having to do my jobs and the job of housekeeper, kill me?  Not that its the end of the world mind you, shit has to be done and I am the mother/fiancé etc and by default it is my job *sigh*  I am tired.  Tired me is grumpy me.  Now I am not exactly the most socially graceful person on a normal day, remove sufficient sleep and a sense of humour and I am likely spit out insults at the speed of an AK-47.  Not that I dislike people in all honesty.  I am just less inclined to humour stupidity or sweeping uninformed statements.  I get asked my opinion a fair amount and in my present state of tired and stress fuelled honesty I am going to clear something up for everyone.  You worry about YOUR house, YOUR kids, YOUR pets and YOUR shit.  Keep your nose out of what others are doing unless it in some way directly affects you or they ask your opinion.  This applies to most things, birth choice, parenting style, preferred method of contraception, clothing and pretty much everything else.  I do not get why people are so judgemental, I tend to say it as I see it, maybe too honest for my own good but who am I to judge, moreover, why should I care?

At the same time though I seem to be biting my tongue a lot these days, I *want* to say how odd looking some people’s kids are but I haven’t (maybe there is still some hope for me) and its not to be mean some kids are just odd looking is all.  I also want to tell some people to get the fuck over themselves and stop moaning about crap that only they can change.  Haven’t done that either for fear of really finally losing the plot and alienating *everyone* and being forced to be a hermit for all eternity.  Oddly, the idea of being a hermit kinda appeals.  I could stop flat ironing my hair and putting on make-up, would stop shaving my legs for my own personal sanity, ditto on teeth brushing but perhaps I could master a growl and crazy eyes?  Maybe I need to get some sleep rather?  I don’t even know anymore and am just too tired to care.

We have also decided to move the wedding back by six months purely because otherwise I am likely to fall asleep at my own wedding or go postal and kill the guests.  I just have too much going on right now to attempt to look all sweet and pretty and stand and promise forever to someone.  I would likely have a panic attack at the alter when the mister starts saying things like till death you do part.  *That* is serious stuff afterall, not a decision to be taken lightly and certainly not vows you want to take in the midst of a potential anxiety attack.  I am ok with moving the date, I feel better for having done it and now also have more time to stop smashing food in my face to avoid having to be lifted by crane to my spot during the ceremony as opposed to gliding gracefully down the aisle.  And so you know with my current need for cheese on everything and love for all things food this in entirely possible.  Must go to gym and eat more salad and stuff *note to self*

If after having read this post you are a little concerned about my mental health, welcome to my world, hope you like it here, the native language is weird, enjoy your stay J  I know that many things in this post are contradictions and a lot of what I have written is rubbish so can you actually *imagine* what is coming out of my mouth?!!  If you want to help feel free to send chocolate or coffee, or both.  If you want to be sworn at feel free to leave a stupid question or ask me for a favour.

Till later then.  I have some work to pretend to do.

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