Date setting, life churning, quiet times :)

Life has the strange habit of getting away from me, priorities shift and change and things need to be done.  I haven’t posted here for a while, not because I don’t want to mind you, but because I have been so busy with other stuff that there is just no time.

I am currently doing three jobs, my corporate job, my free lance make-up work and my new free lance writing thing.  I am doing what I can to keep myself above the poverty line, it may sound a lot worse than it is but to be fair I have amassed quite a sum in debt since D has not been working.  On that note though, he is, working I mean.  It’s not a great job, the salary is not phenomenal, but he is working and he is contributing so it is better than it was, leagues better!

We have set a wedding date, we are actually planning a wedding of sorts and I cannot wait to formally invite those I love to celebrate this with us.  We are keeping it simple purely because that is who we are and what we can afford.  That is it.  By avoiding the formal sit down meal story we don’t have to cater at cost per head so invite more people and avoid excluding people which is good for our people pleasing nature.

Our exchanging of vows will be private as I honestly feel that is between us and not something to be displayed for others’ enjoyment.  This will happen on the Friday morning.  Saturday afternoon we will have our photos done at a location I intend to keep my own little secret for now and Saturday evening we will host a big fancy pants cocktail party at our home.  I love that we can continue as late as we like and that it will be more relaxed and I believe unique.  I am very much looking forward to sharing this with friends and family.

The kids keep on keeping on, driving me insane and making my heart burst with pride in equal measure.  Things with D have settled somewhat though I still can be the moodiest bitch ever, though I maintain it is my prerogative, and life is just churning at its’ own pace right now.  Frankly I am content with this, I need this quiet time to just prepare for the next big thing which is the wedding, I hope!

Share some love folks, what have I missed while living my ordinary life?

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I stumbled upon something I totally forgot I had…

I tend to be a bit of a cynical bitch, there I said it. I am not,nor have I ever been the optimistic or romantic type. Sure I labour under some serious chick flick induced misapprehensions, but then I do know I am not entirely alone in that.

I have a tendency to expect the worst. Perhaps I have been dissapointed one too many times before, truth is there is no maybe in that. By always expecting the worst I some how try to convince myself I am avoiding disappointment when that is just not true.

I am still very let down by people all the time. Human nature is the one thing in life I will never understand. It is beautiful as one can tell when seeing a new mother or when watching an old couple hold hands. But it can be so ugly, the news is your best point of reference there.

Nothing lasts forever, nothing is permanent. Each day we have to choose to love the people we love. We have to choose to be a better mother. We have to choose to care enough to try.

Somewhere in the mess that has been my life I thought I had lost my choice. Upon some introspection,which would explain my silence, I found my choice.

For now I choose to love D enough to give it some time to come right. I choose to remember that this man loved me at a time I believed I was unlovable. I choose to remind myself of how good things were when he felt he had a sense of purpose and I am noticing that coming back entering the second week of a new job. I choose my family. I choose togetherness and I choose to make it work.

The great part of choosing this, it remains my choice, something only I can change.

Things are starting to get better now, though I somehow deep down still expect the worst, and I am certain I have made the right choice for me for now.

I wish each of you the freedom to choose 🙂