In my little corner of reality today, I am having a woe is me, big time, pity party. I feel horribly sorry for myself. I am pre menstrual, I feel bloated, my life is a bit shitty and all I want to do is curl up in bed with a book, loads of wine and dark chocolate and only Matchbox 20 for company. The pity party is because, let’s face it, I have three children under ten, a fiancé who is high maintenance and a full time job which currently is making want to chew through my wrists, so my *wants* will not be realized, not in this century anyway.
I am so damned sick and tired of being the only white person in my department, I am over being treated like a child and being spoken to like I am stupid. Just yesterday my manager asked why I had not done something, I gave her an explanation, one which did not satisfy her, so instead of doing the professional/mature thing and telling me she was unhappy, she shoots off with, “lame excuse, try another one.” I was gob smacked. Seriously?! Really?! This is my superior?! It was uncalled for and completely unprofessional, I was offended and told her so, and now have been ignored since. Everyone else has gone back to speaking languages I do not understand and excluding me as far as possible. When I am spoken to the level of condescending is almost tangible, again I must remind you, this from people who would likely assume tangible is an orange fruit. *insert random curse and swear and screech here*
So last night I tried to have a talk with D during a quiet moment, I tried to broach the employment subject without it being a fight, suffice to say he got defensive, I cried, again, and I don’t think we really solved anything. I can totally understand the frustration on his part, I get the whole “I am man” nonsense and I am sure he is deeply affected by feeling like he has failed his family because he is not able to support us financially. But I tried being patient, nothing happened, I tried getting angry, again nothing, so now I have resorted to pretending its not happening and just making plans, this, for some reason seems to have prompted action. If only I had known this like a few months ago. Anyhoo, he has a few interviews lined up, please everyone, pray, cross fingers and toes, do a dance or bay naked at the moon if that is your thing, and help us generate enough positive energy to get him employed. I need this to work, like REALLY need. So any help, no matter how far fetched, would be greatly appreciated.
My mother is away from Thursday to Monday, my sister will be with her boyfriend, so I am hoping for a quiet and uneventful weekend, sounds like just what the doctor ordered. Time to sleep, to veg and to spend some decent time with the little’uns Sounds awesome to me!
My business is about to take off, I have a genius friend who has designed my logo, business cards, flyers and is busy with my website as well, I cannot wait to get this going, I love doing make-up, and have some great support in the industry, and am just thrilled to be able to do this.
Pity party aside, I know things are on the up, things will get better, but for now, is an hour’s quiet, a glass of wine and lots of DARK chocolate really too much to ask?