Reason, season, lifetime

Life happens in phases, cycles if you will. I am sure as you read this you will know exactly what I mean. Like when something goes wrong, suddenly things seem to snowball, it feels like everything goes wrong all at once, frankly, I have come to believe that this is just how life is.

We as human beings seem unable to live in the now. We are always wishing our lives away, waiting for Friday or pay day or some other date in the future that for whatever reason holds some significance. Most likely right now is just the daily grind of our lives, right now is the school run, your job, your family, the things that make you able to have that day in the future.

 Did you notice the rainbow on your way to work this morning? Or were you too busy worrying about the rain? Did you hear what your child was saying? Or are you so used to zoning out when she talks that you failed to notice she just shared her life’s dreams.

I am so incredibly guilty of wishing my life away. I have missed so many beautiful moments with my children, so many rainbows, so much greatness because I was waiting for the storm to pass, because I believed tomorrow or next week or a new job would make things better.

These are mistakes I have made, mostly without even knowing I have done it. I am the first to admit I am imperfect. I am human. Scratch that, I am fucked up. I could take the easy way out and say I am a product of my environment and blame my mother or father, or more accurately lack thereof, but I don’t see any value in passing the buck. I admit to my shortcomings and as far as I am concerned I have learned from my mistakes.

I honestly have no regrets. I like who I am, I like where my life is going and God help me I like right here and right now. It is hard. Difficult beyond definition. In this there is a lesson. Through this my character is further molded. Tomorrow right now will have been a step forward from yesterday.

I want to promise myself, that for myself, I will live in and love the now. Yesterday will never be changed and right now I am laying the foundation for a great tomorrow.

I am watching the baby argue with D about going to sleep, my heart is so full of warm and fuzzies, and the only words that cross my mind are, thank you. Thank you for here. Thank you for now. Thank you for this.

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