Everything and nothing.

My mind is like the roads in Johannesburg today,a complete mess. I am not even sure how it is exactly I intend to make sense of it all. 

D has gone back to work, for which I am incredibly grateful. He is working at a dealership in Boksburg, which in essence means, we will be staying in Boksburg and me the lucky fish that I am gets to be the one who travels to Sandton every day.

Not that I am ungrateful mind you, it just kinda sucks as I then have less time with my children. I like my job, well it could be worse, I love the company I work for, can a girl who loves make up and all things pretty really be unhappy working for the largest cosmetics company in the world? I think not.

Life has been a bit topsy turvy of late, D’s brother is getting married on 11 December, what I cannot for the life of me fathom is how his brother has totally left his family ie D and their mom completely out of all the arrangements. I mean he asked HER brother to be his best man as opposed to his own brother, D is suitably pissed off/heart broken, more so since only HER parents names were mentioned on the invite, D’s family didn’t even crack a mention. I just don’t get it, and because I am a bitch like that, I will say something after the wedding, right now I am biting my tongue cos I do not want to be the bitch that ruined their wedding 20 years down the line.

In another interesting twist my mom was retrenched, which means staying with her will continue now, as a need, so we can help out while she finds something else.

My siblings remain my best friends and my worst enemies, that, I am certain, will never change.

Monster is doing really well at school and has two trophies on his desk, one for athletics and one for his spelling, cos he is like the best speller in his class you know  So, so much of proudness 

I did however have a conversation with him this morning that made my blood run cold. As a mother you want to be able to protect your kids from pain, from seeing too much. You want them to hold on to their childhood as long as possible. As such, you control what they see on TV, my kids are NOT allowed to watch the news, ever. What happens when you are not around to shield them? Monster told me this morning, that the other day a sports car and a taxi had an accident outside of school, and that the taxi was on fire. He then went on to tell me that the firemen came and had to use their machine to get the children out of the taxi, and that when they came out they were very red because they had burned. He looked at me, big blue eyes sad, and told me, “They couldn’t do anything to help the driver mommy. I think he must be in heaven now.” *shock* Where the fuck were the adults while my child stood and watched a man burn to death?!!!! I have taken this up with the school, and know for certain his stay at this school is over. My eight year old lost a part of his innocence watching a taxi burn outside of his school, and I feel like a crappy mom, for not having been there. For not being able to spare him that hurt. For not having words for him when he pointed out a blackened pavement outside the school and said, “Look mommy, that’s where it happened.”

Princess sulky pants is going through a very testy phase, she is a bossy know-it-all control freak, wonder where she gets that from? She was in trouble yesterday for dishing out orders to the nanny. *sigh* I am sorry my child, that you are in every sense your mother’s child. That you talk, often without that filter most people use. But at the same time, those pretty eyes you use to see the world, those are all me too, as is your olive complexion, so it is not all bad I dare say. She is testing boundries, I know this, she is coming into her own, and secretly, I am so incredibly proud of the fact that she stands up for herself, and thinks for herself and NEVER takes anything at face value. I pity the fool who tries to break my little girl’s heart one day, you will not get as far as Dad and his shotgun. In fact, ask princess what she would do if a boy tried to kiss her, you’d get a, “Kick him in the balls mommy! Boys are stupid and a waste of time. I want to be a doctor when I grow up and boys would just get in the way. Maybe I’ll have a boyfriend when I am 30. The only boys I love are Daddy and my brothers.” Bless. This kid knows exactly what to say to help mommy sleep at night. I just cannot believe she goes to grade 1 next year, man, I suddenly feel old!

Squishy. Well. Eventually at the ripe old age of 16 months, he looks like he may actually want to walk. I am not holding my breath though. Fiesty this one. Very much on his own mission, but, he constantly makes me smile. My heart melts when I hear him say, “mama”, which I am delighted to say he says more now, seems he remembered I am alive and doesn’t only want o be with dad anymore. I have a feeling he is destined for big things, I think mostly because getting him here was such a challenge, I reckon watch this space.

I have crazy busy times ahead, and at least some nice leave in December to look forward to, if, of course I survive the ‘ol shithead’s wedding.

In ending, “The Universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.” – Eden Phillips


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