Ok, so apparently, even after three kids, patience is a challenge for me.
I loathe laziness and slowness and stupidity. I walk fast, talk fast, drive fast and think super fast. I value efficiency, I value the ability to stop neandering and just do it, I need for the rest of the world to share my sense of urgency.
I, unlike most girls, HATE shopping. I hate crowded places where people constantly bump into you and refuse to apologise, I hate when they talk loudly about their piles or whatever other disgusting medical issue they are currently having, I hate when some old lady at the till will pay for an entire trolley of stuff in just coins. I abhor, in totality, having to “pop in at the shop” on my way home from work. I hate how people walk aimlessly around the supermarket as though they genuinely have no business there. Am I really the only person who is like, ok need bread, milk and baby wipes, then try to get in and out as fast as I can? Really?
Anyhoo, back to the issue at hand, so D was fired, or dismissed as they put it. I get that its tough for him, I do, but dude really, it is not something that will fix itself, a solution will require some input from him, I mean, duh, right?
So with his lack of employment and our being back with my mom, I leave home at the shocking hour of 5:30am, thank god for the live in nanny!!! My mom drops Monster(the boy child of 8) at school and picks him up later, cos she works super flexi hours, where I don’t, only to return home at like 6:30pm. Now even to those with no real concept of time, that is a kak long day.
When I get home I wanna spend some time with the kiddies, have some dinner, maybe squeeze in 5 minutes for me, and then give D some attention, before passing out to wake up at 4:30 and do it all again.
This is temporary. I will be fine. Things will improve. We will be fine. See, I am doing a great job of keeping my sense of humour for now.
So at like 4:55am, Monster comes into the kitchen where I am making his lunch for school and asks, “Mommy, where are my school shoes?” Now its not even 5am, and this kid has been told fifty gajillion times in the past to get his school clothes ready at night, so my eye is ticking in annoyance though it is not completely open, and I tell Monster that he should have told me this yesterday, when I had time, when I did not have a billion things to do before leaving for work in half an hour, knowing the shoe hunt could easily take that entire time.
Monster then informs me, “Daddy said he would ask you last night, he must have forgotten” Oh really? Fancy that. He did not forget to rearrange the lounge at my mother’s house to set up our big screen TV, he did not forget to play cell phone games or watch tv, but her forgot my Monster’s shoes. So in a huff I am down the passage and in our room and explode with, “You forgot to tell me to find Monster’s shoes when I had time to do it, now you get your ass out of bed and YOU find the shoes!” And huffed off back to the kitchen.
Ok so the shoes were found, and that problem was over, but my sense of humour was failing in a big way. I sat D down and said that I know he is going through a tough time, I get that its hard. I told him I love him and that I want to support him.
BUT. I told him this is my life too, this is also hard for me. Watching tv and playing games is not going to get him employed. I told him to do something. Maybe a bit harsh, but seriously, laziness kills me.
I know this is a bump in the road, I know it will get better, but right now I am fucking tired. Right now my patience does not exist and neither does my sense of humour. Right now I can’t help wondering how long it’ll take to get better. I guess bottom line is, I am not loving right now. Maybe I’ll change my mind when I eventually get some sleep. Who knows?